i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
