we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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