Define "chronic" masturbator.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
