Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
