yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
