He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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