This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
