PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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