after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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