trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
