i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
