That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
