I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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