remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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