Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
