I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
