You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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