i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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