I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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