So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
