Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
