its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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