Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
