you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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