I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
