so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
