Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
