Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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