what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
