Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
