is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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