pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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