Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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