meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
