we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
