wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
