So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
