Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
