I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
