Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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