My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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