i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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