Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
