I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
