Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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