I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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