if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
