i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
