sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
