So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
