She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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