Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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