you turned your livingroom into a bong?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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