I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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