Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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