When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
