She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
