I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
