Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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