What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
