like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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