is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
