Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
