In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
