Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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