i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
