Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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