What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.