The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i black out too much to be "responsible"