Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how drunk are you?
Several
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
