Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
