Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
