do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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